Love Note

Today, in Creative Writing class, an odd occurrence happened. I was sitting quietly, listening intently at the lecture being given so that I may earn a good grade and one day become a productive member of society, when the boy in front of me turned and passed me a note. I have not received a note since high school, and never from a boy. Instantly, I was faced with a dilemma - do I open it and deal with the consequences of what may be written inside, or do I simply ignore it and risk hurting this boy's feelings?

Well, I'm not some heartless creep, and I decided to read this love note from the brown-haired boy in front of me. To my amazement, this is what the note said:



I opened this letter from the boy - whose name, I later found out, is Ely - prepared to gently crush his romantic feelings for me, and instead was attacked with an insult. I was about to respond with a firmly worded rebuttal, when I asked myself why he would write such a thing. Could I have done something to make him feel that I was indeed lame/gay? Oughta I to be offended?

Well, in order to determine whether or not I should take it as an insult, let us determine if Ely's statement is true by first examining what is really being said. Here is Merriam-Webster's definition of lame:


Main Entry: lame

1 a : having a body part and especially a limb so disabled as to impair freedom of movement b : marked by stiffness and soreness
2 : lacking needful or desirable substance : weak, ineffectual
3 slang : not being in the know : square
4 a : inferior b : contemptible, nasty


Now, I don't have any disabled body parts, and I was not showing any signs of stiffness or soreness, so lame couldn't apply to me in that context. Having needful or desirable substance is subjective, so I suppose someone could consider me lame in that sense. I would hope not, but it's a possibility. I generally consider myself to be in the know, and I am definitely not square, so lame in that context is also out.

As far as being inferior goes, I would say that we are all inferior in some aspect. I would consider my intellect inferior to that of Stephen Hawking's, but my fashion sense superior to that of Larry the Cable Guy. It's simply a matter of to what/whom you are being compared. Also, I have been known to have quite the sarcastic attitude, which I suppose some could be considered nasty. Because of this, I have to admit someone could argue that I am, in fact, lame.

What about gay? Let's look at the definition:


Main Entry: gay

1 a : happily excited : merry b : keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits
2 a : bright, lively b : brilliant in color
3 : given to social pleasures; also : licentious
4 a : homosexual b : of, relating to, or used by homosexuals
synonyms see lively


I am rarely happily excited, merry, exuberant, or prone to inducing high spirits. In fact, I'm usually laid-back and kind of somber. However, I do wear a lot of bright colors, so I guess you could say I'm brilliant in color. Perhaps I'm gay in that context.

As far as being given to social pleasures and licentious... Let's just say, I have a decorated past. So, I guess we can say I am gay, and we don't even have to consider that fourth definition - "homosexual". Whatever that means.

Well, it looks like I am indeed lame/gay. Good call, Ely.