She makes me weak in the knees. =]
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
4.10.2010
2.14.2010
Happy Valentine's Day
2.13.2010
Mixed Emotions
What a night. That's the first thing that comes to mind when trying to describe tonight. Overall, it was a good night. Great. Amazing. Still, I can't help but feel a swarm of varied emotions related to tonight's events. Before I can really explain tonight, it's important that you understand a little back story.
Everyone, at some point or another, experiences meeting someone that instantly catches your attention. Whether it's by what they do or say, or perhaps even by what they don't do or say, you know this is not only someone you'd like to get to know, but that you two would be great together. And every time you talk to them, this feeling just gets stronger and stronger. I met this person during the Summer of 2008. At the time, we didn't really talk to each other. We might exchange a few words during class relating to what we were studying, but that's about it. However, I was drawn to her and knew I wanted to get to know her. When I caught word that she would be moving to attend school out of the state, something in me clicked and I decided to ask her out while I still had the chance. I caught up to her after class one day and asked, only to be told that she had a boyfriend. We went out separate ways after that, the quarter ended a few weeks later, and she moved away.
Jump to a year later, Fall 2009, and the beginning of a new quarter. I'm walking the halls when who should I see? Her. I find out she's moved back, and with her my chance to really get to know her. In fact, turns out we have class together this quarter. Unfortunately, I don't really take advantage of this fact. Sure, I talk to her during class a bit more than I have in past classes we had together, I but I don't know if she remembers that I asked her out. I'm kind of embarrassed by that fact, so I mostly keep to myself.
About half way through the quarter, we are sitting next to each other and I overhear her talking to a fellow classmate about a Christmas party she and her sister are hosting. Then out of the blue, she turns to me and invites me. I'm floored. I wasn't close enough where she felt like she had to invite me because she knew I could hear; this was a genuine invitation. Any uncertainties I had over how she felt about me asking her out last year were out the window. Clearly, it didn't affect her perception of me, because she was inviting me to a party; like normal friends.
And with that, that's exactly what we became: friends. Her, her sister, my best friend and I have gone out multiple times - to parties, night clubs, art shows - and we've all become good friends. However, with each time we talk or hang out, my feelings for her grow stronger. I've been able to keep them in control so that they don't affect me, especially since I know she's still with her boyfriend; something I choose to put out of mind when we hang out. He lives out of state, and I don't need his shadow looming over us when we hang out.
However, that is a luxury I can no longer afford, because earlier this week he moved back to Sacramento, and last night, at a party hosted by the sisters, I met him. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable at all. We simply shook hands, and that was it. He left early on into the night, so his presence didn't really affect anything, but just because it didn't affect last night doesn't mean it can't affect something in the future. I fully understand that my friend has a boyfriend, and as such nothing can happen between us, so that isn't the issue. My concern is that over the last few months, we have become good friends, and I don't want her boyfriend to somehow affect the friendship dynamic; not just between her & I, but also including the dynamic that includes her sister and my best friend.
Maybe that's selfish of me, but as I'm laying here in bed, after a really fun night with lots of friends from school, I can't help but feel that some of those emotions that I've kept in control this whole time are starting to escape. It was one thing when I knew he existed, but was out of the picture; it's an entirely different situation when he's right in front of me and I have to hear about him every time I talk to her.
Everyone, at some point or another, experiences meeting someone that instantly catches your attention. Whether it's by what they do or say, or perhaps even by what they don't do or say, you know this is not only someone you'd like to get to know, but that you two would be great together. And every time you talk to them, this feeling just gets stronger and stronger. I met this person during the Summer of 2008. At the time, we didn't really talk to each other. We might exchange a few words during class relating to what we were studying, but that's about it. However, I was drawn to her and knew I wanted to get to know her. When I caught word that she would be moving to attend school out of the state, something in me clicked and I decided to ask her out while I still had the chance. I caught up to her after class one day and asked, only to be told that she had a boyfriend. We went out separate ways after that, the quarter ended a few weeks later, and she moved away.
Jump to a year later, Fall 2009, and the beginning of a new quarter. I'm walking the halls when who should I see? Her. I find out she's moved back, and with her my chance to really get to know her. In fact, turns out we have class together this quarter. Unfortunately, I don't really take advantage of this fact. Sure, I talk to her during class a bit more than I have in past classes we had together, I but I don't know if she remembers that I asked her out. I'm kind of embarrassed by that fact, so I mostly keep to myself.
About half way through the quarter, we are sitting next to each other and I overhear her talking to a fellow classmate about a Christmas party she and her sister are hosting. Then out of the blue, she turns to me and invites me. I'm floored. I wasn't close enough where she felt like she had to invite me because she knew I could hear; this was a genuine invitation. Any uncertainties I had over how she felt about me asking her out last year were out the window. Clearly, it didn't affect her perception of me, because she was inviting me to a party; like normal friends.
And with that, that's exactly what we became: friends. Her, her sister, my best friend and I have gone out multiple times - to parties, night clubs, art shows - and we've all become good friends. However, with each time we talk or hang out, my feelings for her grow stronger. I've been able to keep them in control so that they don't affect me, especially since I know she's still with her boyfriend; something I choose to put out of mind when we hang out. He lives out of state, and I don't need his shadow looming over us when we hang out.
However, that is a luxury I can no longer afford, because earlier this week he moved back to Sacramento, and last night, at a party hosted by the sisters, I met him. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable at all. We simply shook hands, and that was it. He left early on into the night, so his presence didn't really affect anything, but just because it didn't affect last night doesn't mean it can't affect something in the future. I fully understand that my friend has a boyfriend, and as such nothing can happen between us, so that isn't the issue. My concern is that over the last few months, we have become good friends, and I don't want her boyfriend to somehow affect the friendship dynamic; not just between her & I, but also including the dynamic that includes her sister and my best friend.
Maybe that's selfish of me, but as I'm laying here in bed, after a really fun night with lots of friends from school, I can't help but feel that some of those emotions that I've kept in control this whole time are starting to escape. It was one thing when I knew he existed, but was out of the picture; it's an entirely different situation when he's right in front of me and I have to hear about him every time I talk to her.
1.17.2010
Mari Carmen
Back in the summer of 2000, after my freshman year of high school, I was lucky enough to take part in a program that sent 25 teenagers from the USA to Puebla, Mexico to live and study for two weeks. Each student was paired up with a student from Mexico, and their family became our host family. Although I was only there for those two short weeks, it has been one of the most memorable experiences of my life. No small part of that is due to the fact that while I was there, I became close to two girls. Very close.
The first was Lauren, a hot 17 year-old senior from New Jersey. During the first week together, Lauren and I developed a unique friendship that found us making out a lot. It was a lot of fun, but after a few days, it's ended for reasons lost to time. Still, not bad for a shy, skinny 15 year-old kid. Lauren shall forever remain my first older woman.
The second week, though, was even more memorable because of Mari Carmen. Mari Carmen was a daughter in one of the host families, and she and I found ourselves becoming very close. We were the same age, and for some reason we just clicked. We would sit together whenever possible, dance together if the giant group of students would go out dancing, and generally spend as much time together as we could. For the last five days or so, Mari Carmen became my girlfriend; and I her boyfriend. When the time came for the American students to return from whence they came, Mari Carmen and I were genuinely very sad to leave each other. I remember her to deciding to ride on the bus to the airport with the American students, and her and I just sitting together in the other's arms; wanting to enjoy the last moments we'd have together. We only knew each other a very short amount of time, but we formed a connection; one which I have always treasured. Even after returning home, we kept in touch here and there, through email, faxes, and the occasional phone call. However, those slowly stopped, and we never heard from each other again.
Since the introductions of MySpace and Facebook, I have tried to find Mari Carmen, and occasionally Lauren, with no luck. I had pretty much come to the realization that I never would, but still I would try on the off chance I was wrong. After years of trying, I think I may have actually succeeded.
Two nights ago, I typed in Mari Carmen's last name and only one profile came up. It wasn't Mari Carmen's; it was her sister's, who was also part of the summer program in Mexico. I looked at her friends, and sure enough I saw a profile for someone named Mari Carmen, albeit with a different spelling. Unfortunately, that profile is private, and the picture is not very clear, so I can't be sure it's the same girl, but I'm almost positive. I wrote to the sister, reminding her who I was and who I was looking for, and although I haven't yet gotten a response, I know I've found her.
I feel like finding Mari Carmen means I've opened a portal to another time; another life. So much time has passed since that summer. Will she even remember me? Maybe it doesn't matter if she does, because I do. It's been nine years, but I've finally found my Mari Carmen.
..........
Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "You went to Mexico and hooked up with two girls in two weeks? You manwhore!" Perhaps, but I prefer to think about it as what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Unless, of course, you blog about it nine years later.
The first was Lauren, a hot 17 year-old senior from New Jersey. During the first week together, Lauren and I developed a unique friendship that found us making out a lot. It was a lot of fun, but after a few days, it's ended for reasons lost to time. Still, not bad for a shy, skinny 15 year-old kid. Lauren shall forever remain my first older woman.
The second week, though, was even more memorable because of Mari Carmen. Mari Carmen was a daughter in one of the host families, and she and I found ourselves becoming very close. We were the same age, and for some reason we just clicked. We would sit together whenever possible, dance together if the giant group of students would go out dancing, and generally spend as much time together as we could. For the last five days or so, Mari Carmen became my girlfriend; and I her boyfriend. When the time came for the American students to return from whence they came, Mari Carmen and I were genuinely very sad to leave each other. I remember her to deciding to ride on the bus to the airport with the American students, and her and I just sitting together in the other's arms; wanting to enjoy the last moments we'd have together. We only knew each other a very short amount of time, but we formed a connection; one which I have always treasured. Even after returning home, we kept in touch here and there, through email, faxes, and the occasional phone call. However, those slowly stopped, and we never heard from each other again.
Since the introductions of MySpace and Facebook, I have tried to find Mari Carmen, and occasionally Lauren, with no luck. I had pretty much come to the realization that I never would, but still I would try on the off chance I was wrong. After years of trying, I think I may have actually succeeded.
Two nights ago, I typed in Mari Carmen's last name and only one profile came up. It wasn't Mari Carmen's; it was her sister's, who was also part of the summer program in Mexico. I looked at her friends, and sure enough I saw a profile for someone named Mari Carmen, albeit with a different spelling. Unfortunately, that profile is private, and the picture is not very clear, so I can't be sure it's the same girl, but I'm almost positive. I wrote to the sister, reminding her who I was and who I was looking for, and although I haven't yet gotten a response, I know I've found her.
I feel like finding Mari Carmen means I've opened a portal to another time; another life. So much time has passed since that summer. Will she even remember me? Maybe it doesn't matter if she does, because I do. It's been nine years, but I've finally found my Mari Carmen.
..........
Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "You went to Mexico and hooked up with two girls in two weeks? You manwhore!" Perhaps, but I prefer to think about it as what happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Unless, of course, you blog about it nine years later.
12.23.2009
Quarterly Report, Fall 2009
Back in October, when the Fall quarter first began, I had the mindset that this was going to be my quarter. I had such high hopes, not just academically, but socially, romantically and artistically. I was going to make things happen, and end the quarter on top. Unfortunately, the quarter had plans of its own.
The first goal on my not-so-hefty-list-of-things-I-wanted-to-accomplish-this-quarter was to finally get the courage to talk to Elle - the (then) girl of my dreams - and get her to fall in love with me. It was a simple plan, really. I was going to say "Hello", I pay her a few compliments, we'd talk about things we had in common, I tell her a few more compliments, I'd charm her with a few silly jokes, and she'd be mine. Well, unfortunately her boyfriend kind of ruined that plan. Not the end of the world, except that Elle is the fourth girl at this school I've tried pursuing, and the fourth failure. Wow, what a horrible success rate.
Let's move on to the quarter itself. As with every quarter, my starting goal is to maintain my 4.0 GPA. Really, there is no practical reason for this. When I graduate, potential employers are going to look at my portfolio, not my GPA. A 4.0 doesn't come with any perks or get me into any secrets clubs; there is no cool 4.0 handshake. Maintaining a 4.0 GPA is really just for me; an indicator to me that I care about my education and am not going to slack on it just so I can go party or whatever.
Well, this quarter decided to throw me a few hurdles in my "Quest for the Holy GPA". After my first week, I received word that one of my classes had been canceled due to the low number of students, and I needed to replace the class. I decided to take Creative Writing, since I love writing, but unfortunately joining the class a week late meant I was week behind, and it took me a few weeks to fully catch up. On top of the headache of having to switch classes, before midterms arrived, I got sick not once, but TWICE! About three weeks in I caught a nasty cold, which made me miss one or two of my classes. Then two weeks later I came down with the flu! I can't remember the last time I had the flu, but here I was with it only two weeks after already being sick. What luck. I missed an entire week of classes because of the flu, and I fell far behind because of it. Still, with my goal of a 4.0 GPA foremost in my mind, I couldn't give up and I worked hard to catch up.
Now, all work and no play makes for a very dull Jason, so whenever possible, I made sure I went out and had fun. One of my more recent methods of having fun is taking part in art shows. It's a great kick in the butt to paint, and a great way to network with fellow artists and art appreciators. Normally I show up with anywhere between 4-6 paintings, hang out with friends, eat some sushi, and no very rare occasions have a drink. However, during my last art show I was lucky enough to sell one of my paintings for $100. Not too shabby for a self-proclaimed "wannabe painter". Although, I have to admit that having a sold painting out there does me me feel like a real painter after all.
So, now that the quarter is over, how do I feel it went? Well, grades came in a few days ago, and with a GPA of 3.7, this is by far my worst quarter. Still, I passed all my classes with nothing lower than a B, so I would say that is still a success. And maybe Elle won't be the love of my life, but I have potential prospects, so I'm not too torn up about it.
Maybe I didn't end the quarter on top, like I originally set out to do, but by no means do I consider the quarter a failure. A lot of good happened this quarter; I met a lot of good people and made a lot of good friends, and I'm walking away with even more good memories. At the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about?
The first goal on my not-so-hefty-list-of-things-I-wanted-to-accomplish-this-quarter was to finally get the courage to talk to Elle - the (then) girl of my dreams - and get her to fall in love with me. It was a simple plan, really. I was going to say "Hello", I pay her a few compliments, we'd talk about things we had in common, I tell her a few more compliments, I'd charm her with a few silly jokes, and she'd be mine. Well, unfortunately her boyfriend kind of ruined that plan. Not the end of the world, except that Elle is the fourth girl at this school I've tried pursuing, and the fourth failure. Wow, what a horrible success rate.
Let's move on to the quarter itself. As with every quarter, my starting goal is to maintain my 4.0 GPA. Really, there is no practical reason for this. When I graduate, potential employers are going to look at my portfolio, not my GPA. A 4.0 doesn't come with any perks or get me into any secrets clubs; there is no cool 4.0 handshake. Maintaining a 4.0 GPA is really just for me; an indicator to me that I care about my education and am not going to slack on it just so I can go party or whatever.
Well, this quarter decided to throw me a few hurdles in my "Quest for the Holy GPA". After my first week, I received word that one of my classes had been canceled due to the low number of students, and I needed to replace the class. I decided to take Creative Writing, since I love writing, but unfortunately joining the class a week late meant I was week behind, and it took me a few weeks to fully catch up. On top of the headache of having to switch classes, before midterms arrived, I got sick not once, but TWICE! About three weeks in I caught a nasty cold, which made me miss one or two of my classes. Then two weeks later I came down with the flu! I can't remember the last time I had the flu, but here I was with it only two weeks after already being sick. What luck. I missed an entire week of classes because of the flu, and I fell far behind because of it. Still, with my goal of a 4.0 GPA foremost in my mind, I couldn't give up and I worked hard to catch up.
Now, all work and no play makes for a very dull Jason, so whenever possible, I made sure I went out and had fun. One of my more recent methods of having fun is taking part in art shows. It's a great kick in the butt to paint, and a great way to network with fellow artists and art appreciators. Normally I show up with anywhere between 4-6 paintings, hang out with friends, eat some sushi, and no very rare occasions have a drink. However, during my last art show I was lucky enough to sell one of my paintings for $100. Not too shabby for a self-proclaimed "wannabe painter". Although, I have to admit that having a sold painting out there does me me feel like a real painter after all.
So, now that the quarter is over, how do I feel it went? Well, grades came in a few days ago, and with a GPA of 3.7, this is by far my worst quarter. Still, I passed all my classes with nothing lower than a B, so I would say that is still a success. And maybe Elle won't be the love of my life, but I have potential prospects, so I'm not too torn up about it.
Maybe I didn't end the quarter on top, like I originally set out to do, but by no means do I consider the quarter a failure. A lot of good happened this quarter; I met a lot of good people and made a lot of good friends, and I'm walking away with even more good memories. At the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about?
10.25.2009
A Total Guy
Fact #1: Tonight was interesting.
Thought #1: I'm not sure how I feel about it...
Fact #2: I feel like a total guy right now.
Thought #2: I don't know if that's a good thing...
Thought #1: I'm not sure how I feel about it...
Fact #2: I feel like a total guy right now.
Thought #2: I don't know if that's a good thing...
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